MINI VANS AND MOMS OF ONE

You may remember my post about the psychotic PTA mom at pre-school who just so happens to drive a mini van (and she only has one child). I saw her driving the other day, looking as frenzied as an executive on a deadline and felt inspired to post this.

I, myself, being a mom of one am bossy enough to feel completely authorized, based on my research*, to post this. What the hell is it with moms of one who drive mini vans?

Hey, news flash to moms of one who drive mini vans: YOU ONLY HAVE ONE CHILD. Do you really need to drive a giant mini van? I'll answer that one: No.



It is possible that I am slightly biased because I despise mini vans in general. Even if I had nine children, I still wouldn't drive a mini van. Ever. Seriously. I would drive my children in shifts, like that weird brain teaser about using a raft to get your family across a river but you can only take one at a time. And I am dead serious.

I have a question for all the moms of one who drive mini vans: What is your reasoning for such nonsense? Do you have reasoning or do you just want to be 'cool' like the multi-child moms who drive mini vans? Is your child so hugely overweight that a standard vehicle just won't do? Is your child so wildly popular that you require a twelve passenger vehicle to cart them all to Chuck E. Cheese or some other equally lame kid's place that requires parents to have TGCs in order to endure? Is it like the equivalent of small penis syndrome? What is it?

In my extensive research** of moms of one who drive mini vans, I have found an interesting correlation which may explain the 'need' for a mini van to drive your one child around. I have found that most moms of one who drive mini vans do not have jobs outside the home.

These moms also, interestingly enough, should probably have jobs outside the home. Why? Because these moms are typically so incredibly engrossed in their one child's school, treating their volunteer time like a 'real' job that is way, way more important than anybody else's actually real job.

Now, don't get me wrong, I volunteer at my one child's pre-school. And I love it. But I do not pretend like my volunteer time is more important than a real job and I certainly don't shake my head and say things to working moms like, 'Oh... you have to work? That's too bad.'
Let's get this straight ladies: volunteering is good and important and wonderful, but.... it does not mean that you are 'better' than a mom who works outside the home. It also doesn't mean that the mom working outside the home is better than you who stays at home but come on. It also, and much more importantly, does not mean you need to drive a mini van for goodness sake.

Transporting Scholastic order forms to pre-school is not rocket science, and it definitely does not require a mini van; I'm pretty sure that stack of paper will fit in a car. Also? Stuffing said Scholastic order forms into cubby holes does not make you an executive on a deadline.

This is still the case even if you took the time to print and staple neon yellow reminders on those Scholastic forms, threatening the impending 'next Tuesday' deadline to get book orders in. Deadline? Yes, but last I checked, the stock market is not going to crash if the book orders aren't in by next Tuesday. Just sayin'.

So hmm... I suppose this post wasn't only about moms of one and mini vans, but also about moms of one who drive mini vans who need jobs. That was a bonus. You're welcome.

* The term 'research' is rather subjective in this instance.
** Again, the terms 'extensive' and 'research' may be a hair subjective.

xoxo, Mae